“Why don’t you socialize with them?” he suddenly asked. “I’m shy” she quietly replied. “I’m shy because I don’t want them to know a little detail about me because if they do know anything, I’m sure that I will receive a lot of judgments from them”
I always pray to God that if He could take away my life now, that would be the greatest gift He could ever give to me. What’s the point of living here? To suffer so much pain? To experience more on how they bully/make fun of me without mentioning my name? But I know it’s me—the one they are talking to and no one else. I don’t deserve to live in this cruel world. Sometimes Lord you’re so unfair. You just take away any life whatever you want but you can’t take away my life now. Why can’t you do that simple thing for me? Can’t you see I’m suffering very hard? Can’t you hear my cries every night? Don’t you have a pity on me? You know how scared I am every time I go to school because I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m scared being judged by other people again. Until when will I feel this burdens I’m carrying for a long time? Is that for a lifetime? Do I have the rights left to become happy? It seems that the world is against me. 19 years of existence is enough. Thank you for that Lord but I can no longer hold this burdens anymore. I’m sorry if one day I did those terrible things. So many years I’ve been waiting expecting that everything will change but until now there’s nothing change happened. My situation is getting worse as I am here on Earth. The world would be better without my existence because I’m such a burden to other people. I’m so tired being such this kind of person. A stinky kind of person. Who would accept this kind of person like me? None. I did my best to be a perfect person but nothing change happens. No one knows how conscious am in my body especially when I’m starting to sweat due to so much movements or the hotness of the environment. I always asked some of my friends about that thing and they would say ‘there’s nothing, it’s only running on your mind’ but I know there is. Why would the other people bully me/alluding hurtful words if they didn’t smell anything from me? I’m losing hope. All I want is to put their shoes on me so that they will understand what I feel. I really hate myself being like this. I’m so tired being like this.
Maybe they can’t handle the problem that they’re suffering from; maybe they’ve been hurt for a long time but no one lend an ear just to listen on their dramas; maybe they’re a victim of bullying. To all the people who’ve hurt them, do you even sleep at night knowing that you’ve hurt that people? Do you have any conscience left in your self? Don’t you think if you bully someone there’s a negative effect on them? Don’t you think that? Don’t you think that people need a shoulder to cry on? But no one else did that for them nor feel what they feel ’cause you only think of yourself. Too bad! No one else sees the burden on his/her eyes and they think the only way to escape the pain is to suicide.