My depression started when I was in second year college since I was bullied for having this kind of imperfections that I will carry until I die. Every painful details that flashback on my mind kills me and that moment stayed like a record that I couldn’t stop playing everyday, an everyday nightmare that I couldn’t convince to stop haunting me. It’s so difficult to wake up everyday having this heavy feeling that I couldn’t let all out because at some point, I know it may happen anytime again. I am still traumatized from what happened in the past and I think this kind of trauma is permanently planted deep inside my heart that’s always bothering my fragile mind. I keep thinking the past memories whenever I hear some hurtful words to anyone and it’s so difficult to expunge the bad memories and forget everything and start all over again but that’s not an easy task to do. It takes a lot of time and I don’t know when. It’s more difficult to faced monsters everyday in this judgmental world because all they knew is to cast affliction on you that’s why I really hate school, crowds, socializing and speaking in front of many people because I know what will happen next. There are days when my depression strikes me so hard to the point that I lose my appetite and the worst is I won’t eat for a day and there are days that I’m thinking to end all this pain that I am feeling for a very long time but I don’t, perhaps I am terrified to leave a scar to the people who deeply love me so instead of that, I let myself drown in darkness and melancholy. I think I won’t be mended from this and am sure once my soul get really really tired, it will be the end of my world. I always feel like a wilting flower that will died soon. I’m done with everything and everything tires me. Adiós!
You know what really tires me? It’s when I need to continue on living even though I want to die.
I’m sorry if I did this thing
I can’t take this pain I’m hiding
I’m sorry if I’m so selfish
I know nobody will miss me
I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to overcome this problem
And ended up this battle
I dont have any reasons to smile
You know what’s running on my mind?
I just want to end my life