Hey, I just want you to know that loving me is like being in hell everyday. I admit that I still act as a childish person and you would probably curse me for being like that for I can’t change. And pushing you away will be the reason of you getting jaded by all of my ugliness. So you would wish that you didn’t meet me or loved me at all, or you would say that I was the catastrophe that you’d never want to happen again in your entire life. I want you to see how worst I can be only to test your patience if you can bear all of this. And if you can’t stand to be with me, I am always an open door with the possibility of you leaving me. But darling, at the end of the day, it is you and only your affection will lessen the monsters inside me that caused me to atrocity.
Sometimes, brokenness leads us to someone who’s really meant for us and that someone is also broken like you. And by creating good memories together is the only way to mend each other’s broken heart.
I told myself before that I will settle down at the age of twenty five but I think it will never happen as what I have think that way. I don’t have a boyfriend yet and I don’t know if I will have one and I will study for one year or for two if I won’t fail the remaining subject in engineering which is a minor only. It’s a minor only so why’d I choose to fail that? I’m closer to my dreams but here’s the thing I get afraid of, I get anxious when I’m surrounded by strangers, I always think that they will judge me because of my imperfections that’s why I’m scared to attend the class sometimes. But I will always choose what’s best for me and I won’t waste anything. I have been there and I will overcome it again. And I have this dream that’s burning inside my soul. I fucking wanted to work in Canada and meet the love of my life there once I get enough experiences to other countries because my Aunt says that I need to get work experiences to Asian countries before I go to Canada. Cross country something like that. So maybe I’m 24 or 25 when I go to Canada and have a work there. I would be able to help my parents in owning a house and lot and car. That’s what I want, seeing them happy and at ease. Without worrying where to get a money. I hope my plans will happen the way I wanted it to happen.
No wonder why some girls get crazy when they see you. Tall, handsome, kind, warm, and brilliant in any ways. Too perfect. I have nothing to look for, seeing you makes my day complete.
If I keep stalking your social media, if I keep messaging you hoping you’d come back, if I keep playing our favorite love song or watching our favorite movie over and over again, if I keep myself going to a place we once dated and all of the things that reminds me of you, I will never have a peace of mind thinking why did this person leave me? I’ll make myself happy even if you are not the reason for my happiness anymore.
“So why did you stop writing for awhile?”, a stranger once asked me
“Well, I’m trying to gather all the words I will use that could fit for my future someone. He deserves to receive a poetry from me”, that’s what I have replied to him.
Just hold my hand when the darkness devours me and tell me, tell me that everything will be alright.
You know why I love to stare at those lovely eyes of yours, it’s because I see a vast sky that’s full of stars in it at full brightness that I never go tired looking at it.
I hope you finally meet the love of your life who will stay with you until the very last sunset of your existence no matter how hard life can be. I hope he has a lot of forbearance when you are having a tantrums or whatsoever you may call it because sometimes you are the hardest person to love. I hope he never fail to put a smile on your face and to make you laugh as crazy as if you own the whole world. I hope he always choose you and take care of you for you deserve it.
I don’t know why I love to daydream about my future especially with you in it. Maybe because I’m growing older and I need someone who I can be with for the rest of my life. The future with you in it gives me hope to survive my everyday struggles in life every time I look forward to it. I’m not rushing things, honestly. I’m just overwhelmed with this feeling. I don’t know what’s the perfect word to describe what I really want to say to you. If fate will allow us to be together, I hope it will last forever. I’m tired of temporary. I’ll also be glad if I’ll see you inside the company where I’m working as an intern and will be gladder if we share the same department. I’ll get to see you everyday if that happens.