If I have a message for myself, this is:
“Don’t be too sensitive in everything. It might lead you to overthinking”
Because at some point, when people say something bad about you an hour ago, the thoughts will stay for a day. And you will get anxious or you will overthink those words they spoke towards you. There are times that the words they have said is offensive and will leave you a low self-esteem. And there are people who doesn’t give a damn on your feelings. They speak and speak and speak without thinking what they say. Without knowing that they are hurting other people with those words that they are using.
To the one who’s reading this,
I just want you to know that my day wasn’t good. I was too anxious during lunch break because I smell something that I hate so much in the conference room. I don’t know if it was coming from the smell of the soft drinks or it was me. Note that, I was with the workers of our department wherein I’m currently working as an intern there. I was shocked for I thought it was only my classmate, Sir Jayvee, and I were the ones who will eat there. I think we’re six in the room. After that, I keep on overthinking about the smell which cause me to sweat. I don’t want to smell anything that I hate, for the reason that it triggers me to depression because I was bullied back then same as the smell I have smell earlier and something worst has happened two years ago. I’m crying as I write this letter to you. I’m too shy to discuss it to anyone because I’m not good in speaking out my thoughts. I was really a silent and a boring type of person and I don’t know how to initiate conversation really.
Too much overthinking and too much sadness are the things that will destroy me.
If ever I kill myself, I hope that God would allow me to enter his kingdom. That’s all I want.
My mind’s full of thought,
With unending struggles;
No matter how long I fought,
I know, in the end, I will lose again this battles.