Most of the time I feel like nothing to anyone else and not worthy of anything in this world.
I am still imprisoned by this dark past memories
Created by the monsters inside my head
Playing like a record everyday
Devours all the positivities I have
Are the things that I remember at the end of the day
“Why do you take a lot of photographs?”
“I took a lot of photographs of every sunrise because that’s how it brightens my day.
I took a lot of photographs of the moon and the stars whenever they are visible in the night sky because that’s how they light up my cold, dark evening.
I took a lot of photographs of flowers because that’s how it reminds me the beauty of everything.
I took a lot of photographs of birds because that’s how it reminds me the freedom without restraining me to everything.
Because one day I will never see them again.
And I took a lot of selfies because one day you will never see this person again in this entire universe and those photographs will remain as my memories forever.
[Photo from Google]
I don’t like talking that much. Sometimes I don’t know what to respond and how to initiate a conversation that’s why sometimes I’m afraid to socialize with others and mostly I prefer to be alone.
My paper remained blank until I can no longer use my pen because the ink became dry just like my mind. And I think this is the end of my journey. Perhaps writing isn’t meant for me. This is the end.
You are the sole reason why I still continue this very long journey filled with darkness and melancholy. I was supposed to end my journey before I have met you. Having this kind of feeling everyday feels like an astronaut stranded in space. My soul is at peace when I am with you and I don’t feel the tiredness caused by this unending unexplainable feeling. You are the brightest star in my life that gives me so much light whenever the darkness cripples in. You will always be in my heart and I will always choose you even in the afterlife for you are my love, my life, my everything. Everything.
The right words doesn’t always come at the right time.
Patience. Patience. Patience.
There’s this thought that I can’t expunge in my mind. It keeps playing over and over again. “Everyone will leave you. Everyone will leave you without any reason. You’re just a nobody. You’re imperfect and you don’t deserve anything” and it always stuck in my head.
If ever I kill myself, I hope that God would allow me to enter his kingdom. That’s all I want.