I’d rather lose you than to be with you who can never quit their vice in life for it will surely make my head aches as long as we’re together.
Hey, I just want you to know that loving me is like being in hell everyday. I admit that I still act as a childish person and you would probably curse me for being like that for I can’t change. And pushing you away will be the reason of you getting jaded by all of my ugliness. So you would wish that you didn’t meet me or loved me at all, or you would say that I was the catastrophe that you’d never want to happen again in your entire life. I want you to see how worst I can be only to test your patience if you can bear all of this. And if you can’t stand to be with me, I am always an open door with the possibility of you leaving me. But darling, at the end of the day, it is you and only your affection will lessen the monsters inside me that caused me to atrocity.
The moment that I deleted our past conversation feels like I suddenly have an amnesia. The photographs, the bittersweet messages, the feelings are now gone. And it no longer hurts, unlike before that I keep on reading them that makes me remind you every second of the day.
Sometimes, brokenness leads us to someone who’s really meant for us and that someone is also broken like you. And by creating good memories together is the only way to mend each other’s broken heart.
There’s this guy I met on a dating app, we’ve been talking for a week now. I really don’t know him nor his looks, body type, or even his real name. He’s just a random guy I chatted with on dating app. I don’t know why I replied to him knowing that he doesn’t have any pictures there and I really don’t know why I waved at him on messenger. I really don’t know why I do that maybe I was too bored searching for someone who I can talk to everyday. That was my first time to message a stranger because they’re the ones who messaged me first on my personal account. I was lazy to find their account so I sometimes give my account to them then they’ll send me a friend request and I’ll accept it. I’m still clueless about this mysterious guy but he has a good heart and he will give you everything though he has nothing left on him. That’s what I observed based on his story. He talks a lot of things and I ended up being a listener. Actually, we have in common, we’re both hurt because of our pasts. Luckily, we found each other there for the second time and my heart is happy whenever I receive a messages on him and I’m always excited to get up early just to have a conversation with him. I wish he continuously talk to me but I think this has an end too. I believe that nothing lasts forever. I just need to enjoy this moment before it turns into a memory.
I told myself before that I will settle down at the age of twenty five but I think it will never happen as what I have think that way. I don’t have a boyfriend yet and I don’t know if I will have one and I will study for one year or for two if I won’t fail the remaining subject in engineering which is a minor only. It’s a minor only so why’d I choose to fail that? I’m closer to my dreams but here’s the thing I get afraid of, I get anxious when I’m surrounded by strangers, I always think that they will judge me because of my imperfections that’s why I’m scared to attend the class sometimes. But I will always choose what’s best for me and I won’t waste anything. I have been there and I will overcome it again. And I have this dream that’s burning inside my soul. I fucking wanted to work in Canada and meet the love of my life there once I get enough experiences to other countries because my Aunt says that I need to get work experiences to Asian countries before I go to Canada. Cross country something like that. So maybe I’m 24 or 25 when I go to Canada and have a work there. I would be able to help my parents in owning a house and lot and car. That’s what I want, seeing them happy and at ease. Without worrying where to get a money. I hope my plans will happen the way I wanted it to happen.
No wonder why some girls get crazy when they see you. Tall, handsome, kind, warm, and brilliant in any ways. Too perfect. I have nothing to look for, seeing you makes my day complete.
If I keep stalking your social media, if I keep messaging you hoping you’d come back, if I keep playing our favorite love song or watching our favorite movie over and over again, if I keep myself going to a place we once dated and all of the things that reminds me of you, I will never have a peace of mind thinking why did this person leave me? I’ll make myself happy even if you are not the reason for my happiness anymore.
“So why did you stop writing for awhile?”, a stranger once asked me
“Well, I’m trying to gather all the words I will use that could fit for my future someone. He deserves to receive a poetry from me”, that’s what I have replied to him.
If I have a message for myself, this is:
“Don’t be too sensitive in everything. It might lead you to overthinking”
Because at some point, when people say something bad about you an hour ago, the thoughts will stay for a day. And you will get anxious or you will overthink those words they spoke towards you. There are times that the words they have said is offensive and will leave you a low self-esteem. And there are people who doesn’t give a damn on your feelings. They speak and speak and speak without thinking what they say. Without knowing that they are hurting other people with those words that they are using.